None of us, whether we're changing (transitioning) to men or to women wake up in the morning and say to ourselves, "Hey, I think I'll ruin my life today. I'll tell all my spouse, friends and business associates that I wear make-up and women's clothes"...and I'll tell them, "oh, and by the way, I'm gonna change my gender too, that'll really shake everybody up". Rather, we struggle with this part of our chemistry our entire lives. One of the saddest things about being Transgender is so many go to their graves after long lives, never being able to live life as they feel they should.

Can you imagine going through life with a secret so personal that if you tell anyone because if they break your trust, your life could be ruined. When I say ANYONE, I mean even your most trusted friend, your spouse. Your first concern would be, will your spouse stand by you or divorce you. Then you have to wonder, will your secret remain between just the two of you. Then, you have to wonder, if for some reason your marriage should end up in divorce, will your spouse blab your secret to your friends, relatives or business associates? I can tell you from first hand experience that this does happen and has happened to me by my past two wives. Once we separated, my secret was out. This from their moment of anger and desire to ruin me.  I can also tell you that their actions at the time cost me dearly in familial relationships. Sure they have both apologized to me, but the damage was already done.

Can you imagine living your life with this very real fear?

Being Transgender isn't a choice, it's who we are. God how I wish it was that simple. Being Transgender is a part of our chemical makeup (did I just say "makeup"?) that tells us our minds and our bodies are in the wrong formats or they're out of sync with each other. A Transgender woman was born a male but her mind tells her she's actually a woman. I can equate the feeling of being Transgender to that of my feelings with Tourette's Syndrome. With Tourette's, you can feel tic's coming and can do your best to suppress the tic's for a few minutes, but, they're gonna come back and when they do, they'll come back with a vengeance. When the tic's do come back they're the "I'll get even with you for holding me back" tic's. The first tic's after suppression are typically strong and hard...and often times very painful. Being Transgender is very similar in that the Transgender person may enter in to a relationship with someone who's not supportive of their choice of dress or who they are. If this Transgender person feels a strong tie with their new partner and desires to continue a relationship with that person, they may not be honest and actually put their own desires to express their preferred gender in the closet. This done, it won't be long before their need for gender expression is so strong that they begin sneaking behind their partners back to "dress up". Ultimately, their "need" to "crossdress" becomes so strong that it tears their relationships apart. This even happens if a transgender person is up front about their needs in the very beginning of a relationship. Their new partner may feel it's OK or even fun but will very possibly change their mind down the road, devastating their transgender partner or spouse.

Highly misunderstood is that it is perceived that "Transgenderism" is about sex or sexual perversion or sexual deviance. I have to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth. A fact of the matter is that through transition, through Hormone Therapy, Men may actually lose complete sexual function. Their genitalia severely decrease in size and sex drive decreases almost to that of a castrated man. During Transition, the hormones we take remove male levels of Testosterone and increase our levels of Estrogen which finally brings our minds and bodies in sync with each other...physically, mentally and emotionally. All that's left for us then is surgery (for those who desire this or can afford surgery). 

A not so well known fact is that due to cost, many transgender women are never able to really become whole. Surgery to physically change genitalia from male to female is so costly that it is cost prohibitive to most. Current costs in the U.S. for this surgery run from around $18,000 to as much as $40,000,

Society scorns us wrongfully assuming we're sexual deviants, employers refuse us jobs because they think we're perverts or "damned crossdressing faggots" and our families and friends turn their backs on us because they're embarrassed that someone will find out about our "secret", and that our "weirdness" will negatively reflect on their lives. For me, I lost my daughters due to their bigoted Fundamentalist Christian beliefs. Because of these societal pressures, current suicide rates among Transgender people are at 42% as opposed to rates of less than 2% of societies general population. In addition, a really scary fact in Trans men and Trans women is that a whopping 70% of them say they've considered suicide. 

If you're wondering about me, those of you who know me know that I'm a pretty strong person and have learned to deal with life's pressures. And, NO, I've never had thoughts of suicide!

Please keep all of this in mind if you find that you have a friend or family member who comes out as being Transgender. Do them a favor and embrace their strength and desire to be who they truly are, support them in their transition to maledom or womanhood, love them for who they are, not for what they wear of how they appear and remember that they are the same person you've always known and loved, regardless of what they wear or the new shape of their body. Their body is changing, not their mind!

 The positive thing for Transgender people who transition is that they are now being true to themselves. They have the strength to tell you who they are. They have the strength to live a life that they've kept hidden, for most, over half a century. Please be their Support network, be their friends and be their family and love them as you always have. YOU are who we depend on....

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